To our males readers, we have a sure fire way to never accidentally get someone pregnant. Do you want to know the secret? It is so easy. Just play Dungeons and Dragons, World of Warcraft or Minecraft on a regular basis. We guarantee that by playing these games, you will NEVER get laid. Hell, you can become a charter member of the N.T.A.B club, you know….The Never Touch A Boobie Club. We have some simple advice for those of you who don’t want to be a stupid dork anymore.
First of all, remove all traces of these games from your life. They are ruining your social life. Woman do not want to date someone that would be stupid enough to get wrapped up in a fantasy world where they call you Lord Dumbass. Do not just throw them in the garbage - double bag them and drive them to the nearest city dump. We don't want you thinking twice and digging the games out of the garbage later that day.
Second, never mention that you EVER played these games. Woman do not want to be reminded that you were ever stupid enough to play these games. Trust us, no smart woman wants to have to tell her friends that her man once wore a cape and carried a sword...well into his twenties. We use the term "smart woman" very lightly, we really mean no woman anywhere will want a man who used to wear a cape.
Lastly, just to be safe, you may want to cut ties with anyone of your stupid, dork friends who still play. The N.T.A.B. is like some weird cult, you can get sucked back in so easily. Fight that urge, you are cooler and so much less stupid now. You are so hot and so cool now that even we might consider being your friend. Keep it that way.
We hope that all of you dorks are able to break free. These games are a cult and cults are always bad. Stand tall, walk away and maybe you, too, will eventually touch a boobie. Well, we hope so at least.
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