Two hot men, a ghetto and dead armadillos?!?!

Oh marriage…where do we begin. Everyone loves to be loved. People get married with this BS fairy tale that everything will be so wonderful…then reality sets is. You come to find out you married the drunken whore from high school, or the spouse slob, or the social networking freak with no real life. But you are stuck! We kind of wonder how you waited until you were married to get to know about your spouse. They are not returnable like a pair of jeans but hey that's just us and we remind ourselves daily that you are stupid.

Now granted we will admit some marriages are better than others. Some spouses travel a lot for work and are never around; this is the best kind of marriage. We do not have to do anything for these spouses. We collect a fat paycheck, go shopping, and have sex with them once a week if they are home. If at all possible, marry a traveling spouse. We highly recommend them.

Next best thing to the traveling spouse is the workaholic spouse. These are individuals who put their work before anything, leaving you free to do whatever you want because they will never notice. They are too busy climbing that corporate ladder to realize you just charged $2000 worth of shoes in less than 30 minutes. Best part about the workaholic spouse is that they work so hard and so long, that by the time they show up at home, they are too tired for sex. So you do not have to clean up after them, cook for them, or have sex with them because they are always at the office. Second thought…maybe the workaholic spouse is the one to go with.

Last but not least is the average spouse. This is the worst...stay away from them. These people actually expect you to get married, build a house, have 2.5 kids and a dog...all that shit you see on TV. HELLO...it is on TV because it is not real. No one wants that! It's crap! It's boring! It's predictable! And if Lisa and Jen are anything...it sure the hell is not boring. Lisa and Jen are not fans of anyone who is boring and predictable either. We hate to admit it though, but we both fall into this average marriage category and we all know how that turned out.....Jen's hubby moved her to the damn ghetto and Lisa's hubby is trying to effin kill her by drowning her in dead armadillos. Thank God, our hubbies are super hot or we would be out of here. We are smart girls who made a dumb mistake.

So single readers, we know you're stupid, but follow our advice and don't make our mistake. Your're already old and single so you can wait, the workaholic spouse will come along and give you a nearly perfect life. Be patient. This is of course if you HAVE TO get married, single life is ideal, trust us, we are experts on everything.