Get your underwear off my damn floor!

We feel like all we ever say is, "Get your damn underwear off my floor." We all know a slob; the person who picks up nothing, leaves their crap in every room and even worse; sees nothing wrong with it. This is not something we want to stereo-type. Let’s face it: slobs come in every color, shape, size and gender. The slob is not particular, they do not care who they are; as long as we don’t ask them to clean up after themselves. Today's blog will break down the most popular forms of slob.

A teenage slob: these are not the worse kind, but they are the most irritating. They leave their clothes on the bathroom floor every day, they couldn’t make a bed if their PS3 depended on it, and the concept of putting a dish in the sink is unheard of. The teenage slob sucks! They suck so much that most of our talks include the statement, " Hi son, get your damn underwear off my floor."

Even worse is the fact that these forms of slobs EXPECT things. For instance the teenage slob expects to get a license at the age of sixteen. Now maybe we are crazy, but if you can’t pick your underwear up off the floor…what the hell makes you think you can drive a vehicle? I mean let’s get real here kid! Cars need gas and maintenance. You cannot even maintain a clean, bug free room. Yet you want us to let you drive our cars…NO WAY slob, not happening.

Spouse slob: Now this one comes in two genders: female and male. We are all familiar with the spouse slob. These people expect their significant other to clean up everything. They expect their spouse to cook for them, clean for them, do laundry…all while they sit their lazy; getting fatter by the year ass in front of the television watching sports or reality TV.

The spouse slob is often very tricky. You may not even know you own a spouse slob until it is too late and the return date has passed. Once you realize what you have, there is no going back. “For better or worse”…right, that’s how it goes. You cannot file for divorce on grounds of slobness…can you? Maybe that is what irreconcilable differences really stands for. We may need to look into this further. For now, we are left yelling, "Honey, get your underwear off my damn floor."

Visiting guest slob: Again this slob comes in all forms; female, male, family, friend, young and old. But no matter what the visiting guest slob is, they are the worst. You invite them to stay with you and they trash your house…THE NERVE! You cannot do anything about the visiting guest slob because you probably invited them in the first place and being that you are a decent person; you clean up after them and keep your mouth shut.

But what if the visiting guest slob doesn’t leave as planned? How do you get rid of them, what do you do? We have all faced this dilemma at some point in our lives. We invited a guest and they over stayed their welcome. At this point, we say, "Please get your underwear off my damn floor and go home."

The best thing to do in this situation is to pack up and move out.  That might seem a little drastic, but once your spouse slob, teenage slob, and visiting guest slob have realized there is no one to clean up and cook for them…they too will leave. They cannot survive. They do not have the skills. The dishes will run out, the milk and cereal will not last and sooner or later they will all run out of clean underwear. It will be at that point that they will leave the house or possibly (but highly unlikely) they will get on the Internet and search: laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning….and figure it out themselves. At this point you may go back home, but we highly advise against that. Run and never look back.

Interesting fun fact : Lisa is a spouse slob, but we give her a pass because her underwear is cute. Jen is an OCD clean freak and loves to secretly pick up underwear.