Anyone with a job can understand co-worker frustrations. There is always the work gossip, the old guy who rejects change, the lazy useless worker that sites on the internet all day reading our blog, and of course last but not least the bitch!
Work gossips come in both sexes; they can be male and female...well not at the same time, but you get the point. Some are fooled because you safely assumed that a guy would not be the work gossip - boy oh boy were you wrong. Guys are just as catty as the woman. The best part about the male gossip is that they have no limit. See guys have no filter so they gossip about things a woman would never talk about at the water cooler. A male has no qualms about announcing to the office that the reason you are walking funny and your eyes are glossy is because you were up all night having wild sex with your new hot neighbor while your husband was out of town. To make male gossips even better; no one confronts them. People have no hesitation in confronting the female gossip who announced you wore a black and brown shoe to work because you were too hung over to open your eyes enough to see they were two different colors. But if a guy told everyone this story, no one would say a word because people simply do not want to believe that a male is a gossip.
Change rejecters also come in male and female. The worst of these are the people who have been with the company since the age of the dinosaur and cannot accept that Microsoft 2010 is better than Microsoft 450 b.c. These people refuse to accept that it is now okay for a woman to wear pants or heaven forbid to wear a skirt with no nylons. Change rejecters are especially funny to us when there is a big companywide change that they have no control over. Watching the change rejecters squirm and get upset and start yelling over something as lame as getting new office chairs that have wheels instead of the bright orange chairs from the 70's is quite entertaining. We have even seen some get so worked up over a change that they gave themselves a heart condition. Yes - that is not funny, but after they were healthy again it is funny to look back and say "George had a heart attack because we changed from Folger's to Altera coffee"...see kind of funny!
Next up is the lazy ass that once again comes in two sizes...male or female. These people are not hard to spot at all. The key to the lazy ass is to look at their desk. If it is flooded with papers and disorganized than chances are they are lazy and not doing their job. Now you are probably thinking "Wait, if the desk is messy, doesn't that mean they are very busy?" NO...they are not busy at anything except fooling you into thinking they have a lot to do all day. The distraction of all the papers leads people to think they are too busy, therefore people do not ask them for help because they think the lazy ass is already too over worked. Trust us people - Jen's desk is a mess and she writes the blog during the day...LMAO!
Last up is the crazy hot mess of a bitch. Everyone knows who this person is. This person is known throughout the company and people fear them. We say them because once again the bitch comes in both forms. The male bitch is funnier because when a male acts this way it just makes them look like an idiot. The female bitch is actually a little scarier because you do not know what to expect. One second you are having a normal conversation about the billing and next thing you know a stapler comes flying at your head. The female bitch is crazy unpredictable. This worker has usually been with the company way too long and hates her job, but because she is so damn crazy no one will fire her because they fear her. The easiest way to deal with a female bitch is to throw her out a window. Okay, okay we know that is not realistic...kill her with kindness. She does not know how to react to kindness because it is something she has never seen. She gets confused and scatters.
Most people are forced to work to support themselves; it is just a fact of life. It is how you deal with the work that makes a difference. Our advice is to become a gossiping, lazy, crazy bitch...because trust us - no one wants to deal with that hot mess. People will fear you and your stapler.
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