Look Ma, I'm on the jumbotron

We just don't get sports fans, well the crazy, obsessive ones that is.  We are fairly certain that none of you idiots sitting on your couch are professional athletes.  You could have possibly been a college or a high school athlete but believe us, those days are over.  Now you are just a lazy fat ass with a muffin top.  Correction, a sad, pathetic, lazy fat ass with a muffin top. 

Why is the world do people say things like, "Yay, we just won the Super Bowl"?  Um, no you didn't tubby, you are not on the team.  What really happened was you sat on the couch and watched the Super Bowl while eating 30 pounds of chicken wings.  You could never be on the team.  In fact, they would probably never even let you attend the Super Bowl.  Count your blessings and be grateful that they let you watch it from your house.  If we were in charge of the Super Bowl, the World Series, the NBA finals, etc etc, we would NEVER even let you watch.  We would never want to risk your stupid seeping in to the TV and affecting the players.

What's with people talking about their favorite player as if they are friends?  We know, Lisa does this with Prince Fielder but that is totally different--she will marry him.  She only has four obstacles to overcome--she's married, he's married, they have never met, and she is way older.  But admit it, these a such minor things, it is painfully obvious that their marriage will happen.  As for the rest of you, get over it, you're stupid, no pro-athlete will date you, marry you or even be your friend.  They know you are a moron and simply cannot be bothered.

Why in the world do people wear such ridiculous outfits to games?  One reason, we are sure, is to get on television or jumbotron.  But, is it really so fun to get on television or jumbotron dressed so stupidly, we think not, you look like an ass.  Maybe these people do not know how crazy they look, we can only imagine their regular clothes.  Hell, these might even be their regular clothes.  The plus size is that we do get to do a lot of our favorite hobby, people watching.  Yay us.

As we wrote this, we were trying to think of a solution to this problem but we really are stumped.  There are just too many of these crazy, stupid fans.  They have overrun the earth.  We are just going to remind you that if you see yourself in this entry, STOP IT NOW.  You are not part of a pro-team, you are not friends with any pro athlete, anywhere and your outfit is stupid.  Trust us, we always know best.