Welcome To The Mile High Club!!

Traveling can be a nightmare but it is also a great opportunity to do our favorite hobby; people watching and to once again reminded of just how stupid the general population is. We have experienced many stupid things while traveling lately from roadway traveling idiots, in the airport idiots, and onboard an airplane idiots.

While traveling on a roadway, people can be so annoying. We are sick and tired of those stupid people who think it is ok to travel slow in the fast lane. We especially dislike when we are driving along with the cruise control set and they swerve in front of us, only to slow down. Ugh, we were making good time. Then we cannot stand the people who drive up to the toll and then decide to dig through their pocket or purse for money. People, know your route, and have money easily accessible….we are waiting and we have our money ready. Then there are the idiots at the oasis, STOP talking to us. During our road trip, we would actually like to make it to our destination and talking to you will only slow us down.

The idiots at the airport are so stupid. People, people, people, when going through the security checkpoint, keep your ears open and your mouth shut. The TSA personnel do not care about anything you are saying. If you must ask a question, please make it intelligent, we know this is near impossible for you but please try. Lisa recently flew and was stuck behind a passenger who asked the TSA agent if it was ok to keep his boarding pass in his pocket. Dude, she is busy, leave her alone. When you are through security, grab your shit and go. Do not loiter, some of us have places to be. It seems that our only complaints are with people and their ability to go through security without being a total moron. This leads us to our biggest complaint about people at the airport----people who bitch about security. Seriously, shut the eff up. Seriously, seriously, seriously!!! They are there to keep us safe and if you don’t like it, drive to your destination. Sheesh...this may be one of Lisa’s overall biggest pet peeves. So people, please behave while in the airport.

Omg, after all this airport drama, we still have to board the plane. For those faithful readers, you all know how we feel about couples who sit on the same side of the booth when it’s just the two of them dining. Well we have found a more annoying and simply idiotic couple trait---those who sit in the middle and aisle seat when no one is next to them. Wtf?? The plane is half empty, why are you on top of each other? Planning on joining the mile high club?? If so, please take it to the bathroom, you are simply not hot enough for everyone to watch. Plus, when you get caught, we will have to land in some crazy, strange town for you to be arrested. This will inconvenience us, so sit apart, avoid temptation and look cooler in the process. Please remember, we do not want to talk to you. You are dull and your grandkids aren’t cute. Stop showing us their pictures. We do not care that little Johnny won the National Spelling Bee or about anything else you have to share for that matter. Put your stuff in the damn overhead bin and sit your ass down. Stop crowding the aisles so we can go where we are trying to go. Do not ask the flight attendant a zillion questions either, they don’t care. They are thinking about being anywhere but there and you are distracting us. One last thing, if the sun starts glaring in, close the shade. The sun is in our eyes.

Our advice today is simple, if you must travel, please don’t travel with us. You’re annoying , you’re stupid and about all you have to offer us during our travels is entertainment. While we admit that we enjoy laughing at you, it’s simply not worth it. We are tired, we are busy and we don’t want to sacrifice vacation time just so we can mock you. There will be people at our final destination, believe us, we mock most people. That is bound to happen, we are by far the smartest people on the planet. But hey, you knew that. So please just stay home, watch the travel channel, have a cocktail and pretend you are there.