Yesterday we talked about grammar so today let’s talk about math. We are not talking college level math but simple, basic, run of the mill math. It is so frustrating to be surrounded by adults who can not add, subtract, multiply or divide. We run into most of our problem as customers in stores and because we love to shop. This really slows us down and keeps us from finding our next deal. A few weeks ago, we assumed all these people were the drunken whore but now we can’t be so sure, there are just too damn many. They just don’t make enough alcohol for all these people to have been drunk all through high school. The only possible answer is that they are effin dumbasses.
The first group is the people who cannot make change if you give them coins after they have already entered the cash tendered amount into their cash register. Come on, if our total is $8.53 and we give you a 20 dollar bill and then add 53 cents why are you asking us what our change should be?? When confused, here’s a little tip. Take the amount on the register screen, in our case here it would be $11.47, and add the amount of coinage we gave you, in this case 53 cents, and you have our change. We would get $12.00 in this scenario. See how easy that is?? Just utilize basic 2nd grade math and you have it. It didn’t even have to take the 7 minutes it took you. Like we said, we love to shop and your stupidity is slowing us down.
The next group is our favorite, by far. It’s the morons who do not understand how to work a decimal point. Now people, people, people a decimal point is always an indication that it is a fraction. Cents is a fraction of a dollar therefore a decimal point with a dollar sign before it would be an indication of cents. There is another way to indicate cents and that is with a cents sign. Our annoyance is with the people who use a decimal point and a cents sign together. Remember, the decimal point indicates a fraction so the cents sign and decimal point combo truly indicates a fraction of a penny. So unless you are giving us the soda that is marked .99¢ for less than a penny, please effin fix the sign. You have two options to indicate 99 cents. They are $.99 and 99¢. Now we know some of you are dumbfounded by this information but believe us, we are right . We only wish we could get that dipshit at the local convenience store to honor the price on his sign, the one that says .99¢. If we could get our soda for a fraction of a cent, we would have so much more money for purses.
There is another amazing group of morons and these idiots can not figure percentages. This is a valuable life skill. You can figure tips or how much you are saving on that sale item. Now we have a friend who cannot figure percentages to save her life so she always multiplies, apparently she understands how to multiply, the tax by 3 to figure a tip. This is a great plan but sales tax changes from county to county therefore she is a very inconsistent tipper. I guess the moral is, if you are going to get a job where you will be earning tips, work some place with a high sales tax. Another valuable thing to know is how much you will save on any given sale item. We find this especially fun with purses but honestly it will work with any item. Now for some helpful hints, a percentage off is how much off per dollar. Obviously, we expect anyone to be able to figure 50% off but lots of people just cannot remember that it is half. How the hell can you function without this basic knowledge?? The other percentages maybe harder but if you remember our helpful hints it will be so easy to master this and save at the mall. We are going to give you an easy formula to figure 25% off a $20 item. Now if you remember it is 25 cents off per dollar, you would multiply .25 by 20 to equal 5.00 or $5. Then subtract $5 from you $20 item, it’s on sale for $15. Wow, wasn’t that fun and easy, don’t you think? We bet you don’t feel so stupid anymore.
Just like yesterday, we hope you were taking notes. Just like the semiliterate, the math idiot has a hard life. Not being able to do basic math as an adult is painful and difficult. It’s sad too, simply heartbreaking. We here at Simple Stupidity are trying so hard to end all stupidity in the world. We have said that if we can help just one dumbass each day than it has been a great day. Please, oh please let’s hope you are today’s saved idiot.
I loved this one. So true.
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