Melted Bon Bons

We go to the doctor a lot, a lot, a lot. Let’s just say if they gave frequent patient points, we would be platinum members, many times over. Therefore, due to our elite platinum status, we find ourselves to be experts on all the things that happen in a doctor’s office. (Well obviously, we are experts on EVERYTHING.)

When you go to the doctor, you better be on time because if you’re not, they will bump you and charge you. Hmm, bump us and charge us but when we are on time, we wait forever for them. Do they offer us a discount or ever a latte for our trouble?? They sure don’t, in fact they come in and rush us, so they can get back on schedule. They have a 3 o’clock tee time they just cannot miss. Now to the doctors of the world, we get that your busy but hey, we are busy too. Those bon bons are not just going to eat themselves. Furthermore, if we get back to our unhealthy lifestyles, we can return for a visit sooner, adding to our platinum point status and paying you more. Win, win don’t you think?

So our beloved doctor finally comes in and says, “So how are we doing?” Well dipshit, we have no idea how you are doing but we are doing pretty crappy or we wouldn’t be here. Duh, we have bon bons to eat. How the hell did they get through college by asking such dumb questions? It seems to us that doctors, with their higher education, should be smarter than us but asking us to guess how they are feeling is simply not smart. We think that if maybe they just focused, they would be on time and not always running late.

The doctor has solved our problem for the day but wants to see us back. They hand us a slip of paper that we turn into the receptionist saying when we need to return. Well the genius receptionist says, “What day and time works for you?” To this we reply, “Tuesday mornings.” She says, “I’m sorry the doctor is not in on Tuesday mornings.” We respond, “Thursday afternoons?” We now hear, “I’m sorry the doctor is in surgery on Thursday afternoons.” Ok, what the hell, why are they even asking us what works for us?!?!?! Clearly, they don’t care. We tell them to pick us an available day, we are annoyed with this whole conversation and our bon bons are melting.