This particular blog is written solely by Jen.
I live in the ghetto...and when I say the ghetto, I'm talking 4 blocks away was just named the city's most deadly block.
But don't worry about me, I have two huge ass pit bulls who will lick you to death if you try to come near me. They are especially useful when we go for walks and boys with their pant on the ground try to talk to me. Did you know even though those boys look like they would be such bad guys...they are totally terrified of pit bulls! It ROCKS! No lie, I can seriously walk my streets at 3 am and no one will come near me.
Why do I live here...well it is not because I cannot afford to move. It is because I love to shop...for real - I know this sounds ridiculous, but it is true. I actually get physically ill if I have to stay away from the mall for too long. I break out in hives, I can't swallow, and my breathing gets all erratic.
My mortgage is cheaper than rent. I can afford to buy new cars, send my kid to private school, let my husband do whatever he wants, go to Vegas at the drop of a dime, and have two closets full of shoes (I have more hidden under my desk at work, but no telling my husband)....this is why I live in the ghetto.
My house is kick ass - You could not get my house in the suburbs...mostly because the houses in the suburbs don't come this small. I love that I can hear anyone in the house no matter what room they are in. I mean who wants two stories anyways, I would rather have a Coach purse.
Did I forget to mention the fact that I live three houses down from the busiest funeral home around. I mean this place is always packed. I am thinking it is because their body wagons are gold with big rims and the license plates say R-NIG...that's got to be it.
The other day as I was coming home, I saw them pulling out another body. It was so sad, I tried to imagine how he died...gun shot to the head, stab wounds, domestic violence, maybe even a deadly pit bull attack. But I will never know. I think I will pre-plan my funeral with them, I have always wanted to ride in those pimped out vehicles. Maybe I can get a discount since they could just walk over to my house and get my body and wheel it back. I will give this some real thought.
I especially enjoy the woman at the gas station with the lazy eye. The poor thing has so many medical issues she has to beg for money at the gas pumps. Let's see...a few weeks ago she needed bus fare to visit her poor sick mother in the hospital. Last week she needed money because the pharmacy pre-approved her prescriptions, but she couldn't pay for them. This week she needed money to get to the doctor and have her gonorrhea checked out.
I love the ghetto. It is so entertaining. I cannot imagine living in a nice quite house in the suburbs - how would I sleep at night without counting the gun shots.
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